3 Steps to a Healthy New Year
During this month of January, a month typically tied with the idea of resolutions and new beginnings, I've noticed a theme show up within myself and others. I’ve noticed that many of us are operating out of two extremes. One group is motivated to move past the holidays and into the new year with a positive, ambitious approach. Then Covid hit like a sudden and vicious tornado and many of us are leaning towards a more negative space. We feel the weight and heaviness, left to think, what does a new year even mean? How will it look any different from the dread we were dealing with before?
In thinking through their experiences as well as my own, my encouragement is to, instead of setting boxed-in new year’s resolutions and manifestations, borrow the yoga practice of sankalpa. Taken from Sanskrit, a sankalpa practice is the heart’s vow: the practice of being really honest with ourselves without trying to pretend.
While I use sankalpa with my clients, my own yoga mentor has been using this sankalpa as a part of our practice as well. Like many people, I would set my sankalpa at the beginning of my yoga practice as a means of setting an intention.
I would begin my yoga practice with something like, “I really want to be more patient with my kids.” Then in the practice, I would focus on this idea of how to be more patient, I would almost pretend and imagine that patience was flowing into me, and that it was giving me what I needed, so that I could exude this idea of patience.
Once I was off the mat, I would come downstairs and start the morning with my kids and I would immediately lose my patience. They would bombard me with questions or spill the cereal or say something hurtful to their sibling, and I would lose all the calm and centered space I had been in. All the healthy thinking I had done in my yoga practice would be gone, making me feel like a failure.
As a yoga practitioner and therapist, I know that there’s more to the story than feeling like a failure. So I dug a bit deeper. Here’s what I uncovered.
Setting my intention or sankalpa wasn’t working for me because I had unrealistic expectations. So often our culture defines what being good looks like, sounds like, etc. We can easily fall into the trap of defining our expectations based on what other people say or think. To combat that, I’ve leaned into Tracee Stanley’s definition of sankalpa in Radiant Rest.
Stanley defines sankalpa as, “an awareness of and commitment to a heartfelt resolve that leads to your highest truth. “
Let’s break that down:
Awareness
Notice and be honest with our environment, even if it brings up fears and insecurities.
Name what is and is not in our control so that we know what to ask for.
Commitment
Ask yourself: “What am I going to put effort towards?” Not: “what I’m going to perfect?”
Example: Replace, “I'm going to be patient right now,” with, “I'm going to commit to the practice of learning how to be patient, which might also mean slowing down.”
Heartfelt resolve that leads to your highest truth.
Push yourself to truly see and know what’s in your heart and not what other people need, want, or expect from you.
One of the ways I’ve deepened my own awareness is understanding the influence of culture in growing up in an Asian household. Growing up in a Filipino family, the culture emphasized group mindset before your individual self.
I was trained from a young age to understand who I was based on what other people thought of or needed from me.
I know I’m not the only one. Whether this was a part of your family culture or the impact of societal definitions of what it means to be a woman, so many women grapple with the tension of who you are vs. what other people want or need from you.
Now when I practice yoga, I start by just being in my own body, learning how to breathe in and sit with myself, honoring who I am without judgment or expectation.
Then I end my practice with my sankalpa.
I ask myself:
What is it that I need?
What in my life needs clarity?
What is bringing me joy? What is toxic?
I commit to:
Establishing time and space in relationship with those things that make me feel truly alive.
Listening to my body first, not everyone else’s opinions or expectations.
My sankalpa practice doesn’t just help me on the mat. I use these questions to guide me as I engage with my family, my work, and my activities. Throughout the day I continue to ask for clarity and peace. It shows up throughout my life in a way that feels very compassionate and honest instead of judgmental.
And so I'm offering this practice to you as you embark on this new year or new season.
If you’re having a hard time getting out of that headspace and moving into this new year, don’t ignore it. Don’t stuff it down. Instead, use the sankalpa practice to help reset your mind towards you and your deepest truth. Perhaps you need to commit to spending time with people that bring you some nourishment and joy. Perhaps you need to commit to being more conscious of what news information you’re exposed to.
If you’re feeling hopeful and positive about the new year and have a list of goals or milestones you’re motivated to accomplish, maybe your sankalpa practice asks for honesty and clarity around what you already know. Maybe it’s asking what you truly feel and then committing to be present instead of just trying to move forward towards those goals.
Wherever you are this month, this week, this day, be all there. Use the sankalpa practice to move you deeper into your truest self so that you can open your eyes and embrace all that you are and all that you offer.
My hope is that this is a tangible practice to help you move away from the cultural idea of setting unfair expectations. Expectations that have to do with other people and the world expects or demands from you.
As always, don’t forget about you. And if you feel like you are, if you feel like you can’t hear or feel what you truly think or believe, add sankalpa to your practice to help drown out the noise.
A Guided Sankalpa Practice
As we begin, I invite you to allow your body to move as it wants.
You might notice that you're wanting to sway or rock, maybe you notice there's a little tension in your neck, so it might feel good to move your neck around in a circle.
You could add in some arm movements and swing your arms to the front like your swimming might feel good to reverse it, move it back.
If there's a yoga pose that feels good for you, allow yourself to do that and give yourself a few moments to come to a seated position.
Again, ask: what's most comfortable for you? If you’re not comfortable, is there some extra support like sitting down on a blanket, raising your hips up on a pillow and then bringing one hand to your chest and your other hand to your belly?
Begin to notice your breath
Notice how it comes in and out. Then, begin to allow your breath to come in through your chest. And on the exhale, just let it go.
On the inhale, put your hand on your chest and feel it expand, move out and on the exhale, just letting it go.
You may notice your belly falling in, so continue that about three or four times.
Bring your right hand up, following your inhale, all the way up towards the sky reaching up towards the ceiling and on the exhale, falling down towards your side and then switch to the left hand.
Note: The hand movement is just following your breath as you inhale through the chest expanding and on the exhale, it slowly moves down, not reaching the ground until your exhale is fully complete. Switch your hands back and forth following your breath. After doing that a few times and on the next inhale, you'll raise both arms up, fully expanding your chest. You can even gently look towards the ceiling. On the exhale, bring your hands slowly down towards the ground. Do this three or four times and then let your hands rest on your sides.
And then notice the deep part within you
Notice that there's a deep part within you, within your soul, that doesn’t usually exist in your head.
Ask yourself: what does my body want me to know? To notice?
Then repeat the breathing exercise from before.
Then, again, ask that deep part within you: What does it want you to know? See if anything comes up. If not, don't feel the need to force it. Maybe send that part of you some gratitude. If there's something that it lets you know, if not let it know that you'll ask again and you want to know and you'll be willing to listen.
If you have a notebook, go ahead and jot down anything that showed up for you. That could be your sankalpa practice. If not, you can begin to ask and commit to this practice on a regular basis so that you can have some honest reflection. Perhaps your sankalpa is moving toward honest reflection.
